Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Day 201: For the Single Ladies

Before I say anything else, I want to thank the lovely friend of mine who recommended the book he's just not that into you (by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo) to me: I am very grateful to you for such an uplifting read during a difficult week. And mother dear, thank you for teaching me this lesson earlier on at a time when I really needed and HAD to learn it. You've both saved me a lot of time and energy over the past few years and in the future =)

[Majority of] men, please read on to help you realize how much we abhor your ungentlemanly behavior, and start acting right. (The rest of you few good men, please slap your comrades across the face, then slap them across the other way).

To all the wonderful, single women frustrated by useless men, both those of you that I know and those I don't: I implore you, I BEG of you, I BESEECH you!! If you can only accomplish one task in the next two days, read this book. It's a very quick read, funny, enlightening (sometimes in unfortunate ways), and uplifting.

Part of me is, in a way, relieved to find out that it's not just desi men that behave in such an ungentlemanly, cowardly way. On the other hand, that means we all have quite an uphill battle for us, regardless of ethnicity, religion, etc. Reading this book is like finding part of a key to that "Navigating the Desi Marriage Process Pathway" issue I discussed a month ago. It gives women the direct power to recover and improve some of that fallen self-esteem. And, indirectly, if enough of us read it and apply it in our lives and convince our other women pals to apply it, fewer and fewer men will behave this way with us, because they will realize that WE WILL NOT TAKE THEIR CRAP, and their crap is in fact absolutely unacceptable.

Ahh, to dream of a world in which people in general say what they mean and mean what they say!

Other than asking you, once again, to PLEASE READ he's just not that into you, I will share some of my favorite pieces from the text (don't read on if you'd like to discover them on your own, when you read the book =) ). Oh, and btw, the book is mostly in the format of Q+A letters between female readers and Greg and Liz (the authors).

"Greg, I Get it! By Corinna, age 35...'I was dating a guy for a couple of months when it suddenly dawned on me that he didn't seem particularly excited about me. In the past, that would have made me try harder, make excuses for it, and even confront him with it. Instead I did a little experiment. I assumed he just wasn't that into me and stopped calling him. As I suspected, he never called again! I can't believe how much time I saved just by recognizing that I was the one doing all the work, and that I wanted more!' " (44).

"Remember always what you set out to get, and please don't settle for less. If you can't do it for you, do it for everyone else: These guys are able to exist because there are a lot of women out there who allow them to," (Greg, 96).

"Sometimes boredom just has to set in. You get bored with always having less than what everybody else seems to have, less than what you want. You start thinking that maybe you actually deserve better, not because you learned to love yourself or lost all that weight or saw that great episode on Dr. Phil, but just because you got bored. Bored with the same type of misery over and over and over again," (Liz, 126).

"The only thing in your control is how long you allow these gentlemen to take up space in your life," (Greg, 142).

"But what would happen if all the women in the world listened to Greg - if we all started insisting that men keep true to their word, treat us with respect, shower us with the appropriate amount of love and affection? I think there would be an awful lot of better-behaved men in the world. That's all I'm saying," (Liz, 164).

"Because it just feels too bad to be that girl. Once you start treating yourself with more respect and feeling like the strong, confident woman you are, it just simply becomes too appalling to stay in a situation where some guy is hurting your feelings on a regular basis," (Liz, 176).

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